Author Lorelei Bell, welcomes you! Vampires are my addiction, I assume they are yours as well. Come and journey with me to the darker shadows, where the vampires lurk, watching us, waiting for us weak humans...

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Monday, May 16, 2011

RANT: SAYING NO WHEN YOU MEAN YES! AND AN EXAMPLE OF BULLYING!

My mother did it to me. Then my father. I still remember being in a store when I was little. A neighbor asked me if I wanted anything and I pointed to the comics. I got a great comic book, can't remember which one.
AS SOON AS I WENT OUTSIDE, my mother said: "oh no! Never say you want anything!"

Why not I thought, but okay.

Same thing with my dad. But he was worse. He belived in doing great deeds and not telling anyone. WHO DOESN'T LIKE SOME CREDIT, right? But that was my dad.

Now for the purposes of this rant: let me lay it out for you!

If someone does something really stupid and ticks you off but totally, why do we feel it incumbent upon ourselves to smile and make believe we don't hate them and we don't really want to throw a pie in their face? Hmm? Okay no pie throwing, but a frown at least?!

Even worse is at work your boss acts like a total Richard head and takes credit for something you did. Why can't we say, "ah excuse me you sneaky son of a... why did you do that? I'm not going to let you take credit for that!"
Wouldn't i be nice to announce to the entire office:

AH, PEOPLE I THOUGHT OF THAT. STUPID AND SNEAKY HERE DIDN'T! IT WAS ME, ONLY ME! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But reality is different!

I had the 'good luck' to work as an executive secretary  for a bunch of pampered women. Most of them were okay but my boss was from hell. Let me put it to you this way, The Devil Wears Prada comes to mind, okay?

I came up with a money making idea for the organization and  SHE TOOK CREDIT FOR IT.
HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???????????

So unfair. I wanted to scream and shout. Okay, excessive--but at the very least I wanted to take credit for it because it really turned out to be successful!
I didn't say anything which is an example of what I'm ranting about. WHY didn't I say anything? I left the job anyway! I mean I got tired of having chest pains along with my lunch! I was pretty young too, who needed that? I wasn't prepared to die over a lousy job!

Saying yes when you mean no, smiling when you want to tell someone off (who deserves it) can be very annoying--stifling emotion can cause problems to your health, really.

After that experience I was kinder to myself. I did speak up. And when I was bullied post 9/11 (LIKE THE DAY AFTER (!) in England where I was working by a boss who said, "So what?' basically, I reported him!  Let me add there were other issues where I was singled out for his virtriol. But the worst of that happened immediately after September 11th.

He deserved to be held accountable and I had the satisfaction of being taken seriously. I was transferred to another department and told my complaint went on his permanent record. At the end of it, I received a dozen roses!

Rants are good they can be healthy but we need to follow a constructive coarse of action.
I don't in any way believe in being petty or overly sensitive. However, wrong is wrong. And one of the worst most damaging wrongs of all is bullying!

Now bullying deserves a rant all by itself!
Come and give me some feedback about bullying or about this rant in general. I love feedback.

Thank you!

15 comments:

Pavarti said...

I so agree, I find it harder to stand up for myself than for others but I try. I told you before about being hazed at a job, why didn't I report it? Why did I just take it? Some part of me assumed it was my fault. Is this another effect of the bullying or is it because I'm a girl. I automatically assume people won't listen to me or will think I'm being hysterical when i try and stand up for myself.

Carole Gill said...

yes, thank you so much! that's an excellent example of what i'm talking about.
I think it has to do with the way we were raised really. We find it hard to give back as good as we get.
Alright, in a work situation or something similar we don't want to lower ourselves with regard to language, however, I do think that women in general need to think of ways we CAN fight back.

I mean I have in my life, as I@ve become more mature been able to really tell people off without losing any dignity. I've done it at work, at other situations where I thought iwas being mistreated

for example, I had a rant about evil dentists. well i had one! and when I left I shot right over to the receptionist and said, "I refuse to ever have THAT PERSON take care of me again. understand?"
she understood and i have different dentist in the same practice.

Pav, you can stand up for yourself. do it one time with carefully chosen words and you know what? the next time it'll be easier.

Okay? and write me anytime! xx

Blaze McRob said...

Bad Blaze! Seems like I'm always bad lately. Oh, well. I'm in a position now where I don't have to take shit from people if I don't want to. So I don't. When people are wrong, they're wrong and should be told.

Case in point: I was at the gym working out the other day and this monster of a guy did not wipe off the equipment when he was done or remove the weights from the bar. Common gym courtesy. I went over to him as he was leaving and told him that maybe he should do what was right. His words were along the lines of, "What are you going to do about it?" A quick analysis showed that I am 63 and 202 pounds, and he was like 280 pounds and maybe 30. Oh well, my mouth is young. I just told him that maybe I wouldn't have to kick his arse if he behaved. A big crowd gathered 'round and he did what he should have done to begin with. He was lucky: I know how to fight and would have done what I said. You ladies don't have it as lucky as us guys, but there is never a reason to take abuse. Never. There is always someone who can help you. There are plenty of good women and men in this world.

As for jobs, I have left a number of them where the same thing happened to me that happened to you, Carole. A good supervisor looks even better when she/he praises the accomplishments of fellow workers. It shows they were smart enough to help develop this talented person.

You did it again: got me ranting on your rant!

Great post!

Pavarti said...

Blaze, your post totally made me hot. I'm in love with your 63yo arse!

Carole Gill said...

Blaze, Pavarti knocked what I was going to say out of my head! Pav, you devil woman!
Blaze, thanks! my rants get Blaze excited, hmm how interesting, right Pavarti?!
thanks Blaze thank you Pav--cool drink perhaps?
xxx

Pavarti said...

Pass the Vodka, I'll mix :)

Carole Gill said...

Sure thing, girlfriend!
That was great btw!

Blaze McRob said...

Bad Blaze again! I'm stoking the fires! Yvonne is partial to my 63 yr old arse and . . . oops, that's enough information! I feel guilty about robbing the cradle, but she says she'll make me feel younger. That she will!

Time for a Blazing post on my blog. :D

Carole Gill said...

Blazing heck!
you're okay!

RL.Treadway said...

I haven't been bullied by my peers, sometimes teachers did but from the get go my Mom taught us to stand up for ourselves and not take shit from anyone- including elders. Had to do with her Dad, methinks. Anyways - my funniest ;-) memory was being called into the principle's office for "cursing" (was being bullied but gave him holy what for - naturally I get called in) he was going to take a paddle to me. I told him "The only person who disciplines me is my Mom and if you hit me with that she'll be down her kicking your ass in a flash."
He didn't do, he called my Mom to come get me. I told her what happened, she said "good for you" and then I got lectured for using the f word.

Carole Gill said...

That's good, R.L. But my father once clouted me because he THOUGHT I told a friend to shut up!
I hadn't!
People are raised differently, the home I came from was far too strict.
I'm sure you were better off.
Especially since her parenting was perfect with teaching you two lessons: to stand up for yourself yet discipling you about the language at the same time.
My father had a lethal temper and taught me to box when I was a child. so in that way he didn't want me to get pushed around.
I did always stand up for myself phsycially (as he did) but it was in other ways, especially as I grew older that I didn't.

Interesting and thanks for that.

it hadn't occurred to me about myself that i was a tough little kid and then morphed into an overly polite young adult and adult.

hmmm.

Blaze McRob said...

Wonderful morphing job, Carole.

Carole Gill said...

what the new look, my dear?xx thanks!

Vamp said...

We should use this post as the inspiration for a #fridayflash Carole, what do you think?

Carole Gill said...

sure, why not? could go really deep and crazy! yes!